Firepower: Hardness
Firepower: Hardness
Phil Connor
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Author’s Note: This year, I’ll take readers on a journey that explores how our lives are like rivers running through us. Each attribute of these rivers represents an aspect of our lives. So grab a paddle and join me in the Firepower kayak as we embark on a journey to explore the river within you. This month, we’ll explore hardness.
Learning From the Hardness of Water
A river is not merely a gentle stream meandering through meadows. It is also a force of power, capable of cutting through canyons, flooding entire towns, or sweeping away anything not anchored. While the fluidity and flexibility of water often symbolize grace and adaptability, we must not forget that water is also a force of action and destruction when met with resistance or imbalance. In much the same way, life’s intensity can come in waves and surges, forcing us to either yield or be broken.
Understanding the duality of water—its gentleness and power—offers a potent perspective on how we experience and endure life. The same element that nourishes and sustains also erodes, overwhelms, and reshapes. This month, as we reflect on the hardness of water, we may gain insight into the challenges that arise when life pushes back—when circumstances are difficult, unrelenting, or even violent in their effect on us.
Understanding the duality of water— its gentleness and power —offers a potent perspective on how we experience and endure life.
Forces of Life
Water is one of the most formidable natural forces. Over time, it can carve through solid rock, reshape landscapes, and topple structures. This mirrors the way certain life events shape us. Perhaps it is relentless stress, like a river pounding against stone, wearing us down mentally and physically. It may be sudden crises such as job loss, betrayal, or illness, which can hit like flash floods, sweeping away the stability we’ve built. Sometimes, unaddressed trauma may seem invisible, like an underground current, yet still strong enough to erode the foundation of our lives over time.
The “hard” aspects of water aren’t always fast or explosive. Often, they’re slow and unyielding—pressing steadily until something gives. In life, this feels like prolonged uncertainty, chronic anxiety, or carrying burdens that never seem to lighten. These forces can be just as destructive as sudden catastrophes.
When the river of life turns fierce or violent, we can’t always fight back in the traditional sense. Resistance often leads to exhaustion. Denial builds pressure until it bursts. The solution lies not in hardening ourselves, but in understanding how to move with and around these forces while remaining intact.
Recognize the Nature of the Current
Not every section of the river is the same. Some stretches are calm and predictable. Others are chaotic and fast. We need to assess which “flow” we’re in to help us adapt our energy. In life, this means developing emotional intelligence: knowing when we’re entering a period of intensity, when we’re clinging to resistance, or when we may need to let go.
Reflection is key. Are we in a situation that’s eroding us slowly? Are we facing a tidal wave that needs immediate response? Naming what’s happening takes away its ambiguity and can give us a starting point for action.
Naming what’s happening takes away its ambiguity and can give us a starting point for action.
Build Bridges
When we encounter painful emotions or tough situations, we often dam them up, pushing things down, avoiding conflict, or pretending we’re unaffected. But just like a dam under too much pressure eventually cracks, so too might we.
Rather than blocking life’s force, we need to remember to build bridges: systems of support, safe spaces to talk, and healthy routines that carry us through the pressure instead of holding it in. Seeking therapy, journaling, or cultivating a practice of prayer, breathwork, or meditation are ways to release pressure steadily, without our having an emotional collapse.
Stepping to the Shore
Sometimes, the best strategy is stepping out of the current altogether. There’s no shame in retreat or rest. If we’re in a toxic job, a harmful relationship, or an overwhelming environment, walking away is not weakness, but wisdom. Stepping to the shore might mean taking a mental health break, leaving an unworkable commitment, pausing a project to regain clarity, or saying “no” to more obligations when we’re already at our capacity.
This isn’t giving up, it’s choosing survival over self-destruction. It’s taking a pause before wading back into the flow. While we can’t avoid all hardships, we can often steer away from the most damaging stretches.
Know the Terrain
Preparation is everything. Just like experienced rafters and kayakers study maps and river patterns before entering treacherous water, we can learn to anticipate challenges by developing foresight. We should pay attention to patterns in our own behavior, relationships, and environments. Are we constantly heading into burnout? Do we repeatedly find ourselves in draining friendships or toxic dynamics? Recognizing these patterns allows us to change course earlier.
Travel With a Crew
Trying to navigate difficult terrain alone is not only lonely; it may be risky. A community acts as a buffer against life’s hardest currents. Having people who care about our well-being, challenge our blind spots, and lend their perspective when we’re overwhelmed can often mean the difference between capsizing and carrying on. Whether it’s family, friends, mentors, or spiritual communities, we need to invest in our crew, nurturing those relationships before the storm hits.
Having people who care about our well-being, challenge our blind spots, and lend their perspective when we're overwhelmed can often mean the difference between capsizing and carrying on.
Vigilance
Rivers don’t turn dangerous without signs. The current picks up. Debris appears. Similarly, life gives clues before things spiral. Stress, fatigue, irritability, procrastination, recurring arguments, or feelings of hopelessness are all indicators that we may be approaching a hard patch. Learning to read these signs helps us prepare, pivot, or pause.
Powerful Change
Here’s the beautiful paradox: The same force that destroys can also refine. Rivers don’t just erode, they carve valleys, shape mountains, and create paths for life to flourish. Similarly, life’s hardest moments often leave us more aware, grounded, and purposeful than before.
Here’s the beautiful paradox: The same force that destroys can also refine
It is often in our most trying seasons that we learn who we truly are, what we truly need, and what we must finally let go of. Hardness in life strips away illusion. It clarifies values. It exposes false foundations and demands we rebuild on truth.
In facing the force of life head-on, we grow not just tougher, but wiser. Life is a river, yes, but we are not without a paddle, nor are we without purpose. We were made to move, to learn, and to become something deeper than the surface of the stream can show. Embrace the hard things. Thanks for reading; have a prosperous month ahead.
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Phil Connor
Phil is always working with his team at Ignition Labratory to find new ways to spread the fire. If you found Phil's column impactful, or if you'd like to have him speak at an upcoming event, contact him at phil.connor@live.com.
