Firepower: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
With Phil Connor
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
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Over the past several months, we’ve been exploring the habits outlined in Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. This month, we review the fifth habit: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. This habit requires personal discipline, much like the previous habits. It’s one of the most transformative habits in Stephen Covey’s entire framework because it reshapes the way we communicate, connect, and collaborate. It asks us to slow down, listen deeply, and genuinely try to understand another person before we rush to explain our own perspective. In an industry like our hearth industry—where trust, safety, and personal comfort are at the center of every interaction—this habit becomes a powerful tool for all of us, whether we are salespeople, installers, service technicians, or business owners.
At its core, this habit is about empathy, and something I (candidly) struggle with often: listening with the intent to understand rather than listening with the intent to reply. When conducting presentations, Covey often said that most people don’t listen; they reload. They wait for their turn to speak. But when we truly listen, we create space for clarity, trust, and connection. We’re able to uncover needs that were not expressed. We might prevent misunderstandings before they happen, and we’re able to build relationships that last.
For salespeople, seeking first to understand can be a foundation for consultative selling. Instead of jumping into product features or trying to steer the customer toward a particular model, the salespeople who practice this habit begin by asking thoughtful questions and listening carefully to the answers. We express that we want to understand our customers’ lifestyles, home layouts, safety concerns, design preferences, and long-term goals. This approach is not only more respectful; it’s more effective. Research from the RAIN Group (a global sales training organization) shows that top-performing salespeople spend significantly more time exploring customer needs and motivations than average performers. Their study also found that buyers are far more likely to trust and buy from salespeople who demonstrate genuine curiosity and active listening. That’s this habit in action.
Most people don’t listen; they reload.
Installers also can benefit from this habit. In this area, our work requires precision, but also communication. When, as installers, we take the time to understand the homeowner’s expectations, concerns, and questions before beginning the job, the entire installation process becomes smoother. Homeowners feel heard, they feel respected, and they feel confident that the installer is not just there to complete a task but to deliver an experience. The National Fireplace Institute has long emphasized the importance of pre-installation communication because misunderstandings about clearances, venting paths, or aesthetic preferences often stem from assumptions rather than conversations. Installers who seek first to understand reduce errors, avoid callbacks, and build stronger relationships with customers.
Service technicians experience this habit in some of the most emotionally charged moments in the hearth industry. When customers are without heat in the middle of winter or worried about a strange smell coming from the fireplace, emotions may run high. Technicians who listen first can often calm the situation. Asking questions, listening carefully, and acknowledging our customers’ concerns before diving into diagnostics are all examples of seeking to understand. Studies from the Service Council show that customers rate empathy and communication as two of the most important qualities in a technician, even above technical expertise. When we, as technicians, take the time to understand the customer’s experience, we not only solve the technical problem but also restore peace of mind. That’s the true power of this habit.
For business owners, seeking first to understand is a leadership essential. Owners who practice this habit create workplaces where employees feel valued and heard. They listen to concerns, gather input before making decisions, and create an environment where communication flows openly. Understanding someone else’s perspective does not mean we agree with it. It simply means we are giving that person the respect of being heard. Covey often said that when we listen deeply to another person, we give that person psychological air. We provide something as essential as the air we breathe. That feeling can strengthen relationships at work and at home. People are far more willing to listen to you once they feel you have listened to them.
In the hearth industry, where our work touches the heart of the home, this habit becomes even more meaningful. Customers invite us into their living spaces. They trust us with their safety and comfort. They rely on our expertise. When we seek first to understand, we honor that trust. We build relationships that last long after the installation or service call is complete.
People are far more willing to listen to you once they feel you have listened to them.
When professionals in the hearth industry seek to understand first, we begin to experience a shift in how we communicate and how others respond to us. Conversations become smoother. Conflicts become easier to resolve. Customers become more loyal. Teams become more unified. And as individuals, we feel more connected to the people we serve. That’s the beauty of Covey’s habit. It reminds us that understanding is the foundation of influence. It encourages us to listen with empathy and speak with clarity. And it inspires us to build relationships rooted in respect, trust, and genuine connection.
This month, let’s journal again and list ways we can leverage the habit of seeking first to understand, then to be understood. We can consider the questions we might ask and the ways we will intentionally be present while we wait for the answer. Perhaps each day, we can assess ourselves on how we listened and whether we successfully understood or made assumptions too soon. By the end of the month, and with time, it can become a habit.
Our habits are an integral component of our personal firepower. Let’s be bold, stay kind, and keep the fire burning. Thanks for reading—and have a prosperous month!
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Phil Connor
Phil is always working with his team at Ignition Laboratory to find new ways to spread the fire. If you found Phil’s column impactful, or if you’d like to have him speak at an upcoming event, contact him at phil.connor@live.com.
